Your Fear Knows No Better

By Kathleen McLeod

You should have known better. Your fear knows no better. Maybe you knew, how to cut that last golden thread between us to let me leave when I was ready, so I wouldn’t look back. In the water in the float tank in Te Pō I said my karakia to the Atua. I asked for them to bring me home for healing. I asked why I was still waiting. I asked your Gods and Goddesses why they’d put you in my path, for it to end up this way. I cried floating in the salt. Then I fell into a deep state of relaxation, near sleep, where nothing could touch me. For nearly an hour there was nothing but the dark, cradled in the whare tangata. A kāhu circled my head in a vision while I was half asleep in the water, a tohu to reassure me. On my lips I tasted the salt, felt the cuts on my knuckles stinging, felt myself coming back, felt myself coming back through the light without you.

1 Comment

  • Reply Ewa Marshall-Kopua May 25, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    excellent, beautiful – these words I am feeling you
    nga mihi

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